Somewhere between waking and sleeping

Xanadu

Fog

It's been a funny week. Got back onboard last Friday and dove headlong into the thick of things, revelling in the long, taxing hours, content (dare I say, even glad?!) about "active", about being of some use, somewhere. But each day scratches away at the novelty just that tad more, and the gladness is slowly starting to resemble a dry "Hmmmm..."

Dry. Dry is what I feel. And no amount of generous slathering of moisturiser seems to make it go away. Think. I try to think, but it's almost as if my brain's slowly atrophying. An unobtrusive atrophy. No thoughts, happy or sad. None at all, not even the intangible, nameless ones. Empty. Not empty and aching. Just, empty, stoically hollow.

But there still are dreams. Those ephemeral five minutes between sleep and waking every morning, when my mind is still living its other life, are when I feel most alive. Most human. And the day I wake up to the knowledge that my mind never made that journey the previous night is when I'd know I truly died.

Blank slates

Heaven's here...

... on Earth

Heima

My list of must-see-countries-before-I-die continues to grow...
This time, thanks to Sigur Rós. And to Pill, of course. And this link may explain why.

Nevertheless, Perth has its moments too, I must admit. Especially on crisp, grey mornings, after a night of incessant, torrential rain. And you wake up and watch the world -- washed, washed up, cleansed, fresh, new. Like the spring in your step. And the thought in your head.

Rolling Stones

Here

Not

Muddy Waters...

... are what my mind is floundering in right now. For so long that I've lost the feeling, the memory of what it felt like before I lost my grip on clarity and coherence of thought.

Someone suggested to me recently that what I'm grappling with is a complete breakdown in my ability to define the "no-named". I'm tempted to agree entirely. If nothing else, being able to define this inability does take some of the weight off at least. What weight? Just... weight. I seem to be incapable of defining that either.

Red Earth, Blue Sky, Pouring Rain